One December when I was a little girl in Lubbock, Texas, I put on my Christmas wish list “how shoes.” I took great pride in my spelling ability and was saddened when my sister made fun of me. What I was asking for was “house shoes” (also commonly known as slippers). Spoken in my family’s deep Texas twang, “house shoes” certainly does sounds like “how shoes,” doesn’t it? But I was certain that when Santa was presented with my list, he would know what I meant and get a kick out of it, too!

I recalled this “ordinary moment” scenario this past week as I was facilitating a virtual workshop on the “Gifts of Imperfection,” a curriculum based on the research of Dr. Brené Brown. With that childhood memory in mind, I challenged the Gifts of Imperfection group to some fabulous homework: purchase your own pair of “how shoes.” Shopping is not usually part of the group homework! But what a fun and adventurous way to remind ourselves to pay attention to some of our everyday, ordinary, get-up-in-the-morning and get-ready practices.

What does that look like for you? For me, the morning ritual goes like this: feet on the floor, put on my fun, adorable, leopard-with-a-pink-tassel favorite “how shoes,” make a stop by the restroom, gather glasses/phone, let Sterling (our lovely lab) out, brew coffee, let Sterling in, give Sterling a treat, pour cream, pour coffee, and choose a comfy spot for going over the “how” of the day. Then I allow myself time and space for self-care, for meditation and prayer, for reflection.

Why do “HOW” shoes matter? Because they serve as a daily reminder, first thing in the morning, to be intentional with our focus and our actions for the day.

I love the ancient Chinese proverb, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” I have often referred to some of our more arduous hiking adventures as “heel-toe moments.” When we get to a really difficult section of the trail, the focus is simply, “heel…. toe…. heel…. toe.” One intentional step at a time, we eventually reach the end of the journey.

Maybe you find yourself in a difficult section of the trail right now. 2020 has been heartbreaking for so many of us in so many ways, involving capital-C Challenge, Change, and Coping. How can we move forward, step by step, in a way that is Congruent with who we are – our most authentic self?

Each of us has the privilege of choosing our response to all of the C’s this year…. the challenges of Covid-19, coping with complex issues, complicated grief, and controversy, for example. But we can choose to center ourselves with hope and practice self-care day by day, one step at a time.

For our family, Covid has brought the hardship of being unable to have a funeral for my precious Daddy, who passed away on April 1st. His amazing life deserves honoring and celebrating, and the inability to gather as family makes the pain of loss all the sharper. There have been additional challenges as my Mom resides in an assisted living facility, and we are only able to visit through a window. Obviously, this is not an easy way to grieve the loss of your spouse of almost 63 years and lifelong best friend, and we are grieving alongside her and loving on her as best we can. The inability to travel to California to be with Jill and Brent, our daughter and son-in-law, has been an additional disappointment. Thankfully, our safe family bubble includes Justin and Callie, our son and daughter-in-law, and the grandkids. We have walked along many who are also struggling through this year, just as you probably have as well.

2020 has had an impact on many of us in substantial ways. For those whose losses have been significant this year, I see you and feel your pain. It hurts. One thing I have learned through the years it is not helpful to compare suffering. Your hurt matters, your heart matters.

So, HOW do we be intentional on our focus, our plan, when so many things are uncertain? I love the prayer, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

HOW can we focus on gratitude during this time? What if we had gratitude on the billboard of our hearts? I love how this image of a billboard in NYC captures the magnitude of gratitude. Write out a gratitude, name a gratitude, and share it with others. Gratitude has proven to be a source of strength and an antidote for anxiety and uncertainty.

What if we took time to look into the eyes of those we love? HOW could our world open up? HOW could we feel more empathic towards others’ pain and heartache? Could we look in their eyes and share, “You are not alone”? Could it be that if we can have the courage to open up our precious and vulnerable hearts with others, that we might see differently? That we might see the world differently? That we might see each other differently?

During his retirement, Roger has taken up the practice of expressing his strong and beautiful heart by writing poetry. With his permission, I am sharing one of his poems with you….

Looking In

Your eyes peer into mine

and a mysterious connection occurs,

and I marvel at this wordless expression.

Your gaze captures and holds me,

like a small child’s first discovery of a newfound flower,

or a round and shiny rock.

Somehow, when I look into you, I see myself.

I begin to sense and feel a kinship of

Love, understanding and empathy.

Sometime, I overlook looking in.

It is my loss. Our loss.

by Roger Jones, November 2020

May you find time to look in, may you find grace for yourself, may you find time for your heart, and may you find the “HOW” of what works for you during this challenging time, and always.

During the holiday season, I will be offering a daily encouragement of self-care – An Advent Calendar of Self-Care on my blog http://static.squarespace.com/static/507c8e96e4b0079a65072026/t/547c0d19e4b053a861c9ac1f/1417415993224/Calendar+of+Self+Care_f.pdf , Facebook https://www.facebook.com/DianneMorrisJones , and Instagram https://www.instagram.com/diannemorrisjones/ . My hope is that you will follow along – that you will be inspired to cultivate calm and self-care as you take what you need and leave the rest. I invite you to join me in self-care – not as another “to do,” but as a practice of honoring the beauty and the value of YOU. I’m grateful for each of you. You are not alone.