Feliz Día de Amista y Amor! Keys to Unlocking the Door to Intimacy of Friendship
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Photo Credit: Dianne Morris Jones
February 2021
As I was contemplating writing a blog post on intimacy and Valentine’s Day and discussing the ideas with a friend, she told me of the Peruvian tradition of celebrating Feliz Día de Amistad y Amor (Happy Day of Friendship and Love), where the emphasis is as much on love in a friendship way as it is in a romantic way. After hiking Machu Picchu in 2014 with Roger, my husband, and a team with Above and Beyond Cancer, we fell in love with Peru—the culture, the people, and our new friends Carlos and Guido. Thus this February Calendar provided below is inspired by the custom of Feliz Día de Amistad y Amor—we will be focusing on friendship for the month of February!
Perhaps these keys to unlocking the door to the intimacy of friendship will open your heart to the possibility of listening more deeply to your own heart—to trust and honor that deep part within you that desires to know others and to be known.
What are the keys to unlocking the door to intimacy of friendship? What is a deep relationship? How do we get there? How do we handle hurt and betrayal? Why do relationships seem so hard sometimes? Why do we feel alone? What is it about this incredible desire for connection we all feel? How do we begin the conversation? How do we trust? What relationship is calling us to go deeper? What do we need to let go of to have space to invest in relationship? Why does it take so much courage? What does self-compassion have to do with relationships? What is intimacy in friendship?
The “locked doors” before us can seem endless, but every lock has a key.
We desire connection. Intimacy is defined as closeness—the kind of closeness that allows and encourages vulnerability. One of my favorite family pictures is a shot taken from the back that depicts my Dad and his two brothers quietly gazing out onto the lake where our family cabin is located. There was not a lot of conversation at the moment—but there is a palpable closeness, an intimacy, of brothers sharing parents, sharing history, sharing lake cabin experiences, sharing a quiet moment together, all of which was captured in the picture. Words are not always necessary for intimacy.
“Friendship is the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words but pouring all right out just as they are chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful friendly hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of comfort, blow the rest away.” - George Eliot
Photo Credit: Dianne Morris Jones
For the month of February, I will be posting daily images on Instagram and Facebook of doors that I photographed while we were in Nepal. Doors are a contemplative image as we are reflecting together on keys to unlocking the door to intimacy of friendship. In these days of struggle, sometimes we may feel we don’t even have the energy to move toward another. And maybe we haven’t experienced what closeness in a friendship might look like. We need each other now. Someone needs you. You need someone. I need someone. Others need us. We need others. I need others. It is ok for us to not know exactly how to proceed with making friends…especially in the midst of a pandemic.
Not long ago we moved to Dallas, TX. I can tell you for us the process of making new friends as we transition to a new city has been greatly challenged by the pandemic. How do I move toward someone, when we are supposed to remain apart? What would closeness look like in our current situation? It’s been hard. But we can do hard things.
I do not know of a more loyal and kind friend—to me and to others—than my husband Roger. In his retirement, Roger has been writing poetry as an expression of his heart, his soul. May you benefit from his beautiful heart through his poetry.
My Friend
To you, my friend, I owe much gratitude
for your investment in me.
To you, my friend, I wish well-being and
optimism for hopeful times.
To you, my friend, let there be warmth,
comfort, and perseverance through those cold, dark times.
Thank you, my friend, for the times we’ve
had together, for hearing me and believing in me.
Thank you, my friend, for understanding those times
I seemed distant or too busy.
Thank you, my friend, for looking for my good side,
and for your endurance when I’ve been out of sort.
May you sense the pride I feel for
the honor of our bond.
May our times ahead, whether plenty or few,
reflect our mutual admiration, and
May we keep extending arms of
wide spaces for others.
Here’s to you, now and evermore,
my friend.
- Roger Jones
Photo of Roger and his friend of 43 years, Steve Esquivel.
I look forward to this journey about friendship with you. You are invited to follow me on Facebook and/or Instagram for daily posts about the Keys to Unlocking Intimacy in Friendship. If you are not on social media, you can download a free PDF down below so that you can join in on reflecting daily how you might connect with others. You might consider printing it out and sending it to a friend. Sara, my associate, has created a beautiful work of art with the PDF. Maybe you could print it and mail it to an elderly friend? Maybe you could send it to a friend as a “thank you” for being a treasured friend? The PDF also includes a copy of Roger’s poem about friendship for you. Enjoy!
- Dianne
